[The five best things about RED]

The five best things about RED*

1) The Bruce-Willis-getting-out-of-the-spinning car stunt. Sure, it’s in the trailer, but it is still deeply satisfying on screen.

2) Helen Mirren with a machine gun. I want an action figure.

3) Bruce Willis & Mary-Louise Parker holding hands for pretty much the entire movie.

4) Helen Mirren’s shoes.

5) John Malkovich. Just on principle, but also for his campy presence every single time he’s in the background of a shot.

* as decided by me, who typically only enjoys action films in English if they star Matt Damon. Or are about war, but that’s different.